Officious Organ of the Frostbite Falls Chapter, Polish Racing Drivers of America  

Volume 27, Number 122

Veni, Vidi, Vexi -- We came, we saw, we irritated the authorities

Twin governmental announcements Thursday has sent Polish Racing Pride to new heights.

The first ego boost came in Washington, D.C., when President Bill Clinton announced that Aug. 1 will be official National Take Your Polish Racing Driver To Work Day.

FFC general secretary George L. Tirebiter hailed the announcement as an historic breakthrough in the Polish Racing Drivers' fight for equal treatment in the allocation of egregious federal programs.

"Finally, after decades of struggle, this puts us on a par with National Fowl Processors' Week," Tirebiter said from his hospital bed. Tirebiter was injured at the conclusion of the White House ceremony when he was put in a hammerlock and tossed down a flight of stairs by Hillary Clinton after offering the first lady a cigar.

"She's tough, but she ain't got a very good sense of humor," Tirebiter said.

National TYPRDTWD will be an annual event until the next president puts a stop to it, Clinton said.

The second big event was in St. Paul, Minnesota, when Gov. Jesse Ventura stopped whining about being lampooned in the comics long enough to name the PRDA-FFC as Official Lutefisk Tasters of the Minnesota State Fair.

'This isn't as good a deal as National Take Us To Work Day," said Tirebiter, "but at least we'll get some free meals, as long as we can keep them down."

Lutefisk, also known as the Slimey Smelly White Death, is a fish-like food popular among the Scandinavians who predominate in Minnesota. It's also an effective military weapon once used to drive most of the original German settlers across the border into Iowa.

Both actions came as the result of diligent public relations work by Ken Starr and Associates, a Washington firm hired four years ago to burnish the PRDA-FFC image.

It's A Major Award!
FFC member I.T. Erik was chosen Third Runner Up in the annual Folgers Three-Pound Coffee Can Hat Contest in Taos recently. His prize was the right to burn the hat.

Summit Pale Ale named official Frostbite Falls Chapter beer

After a tasting program lasting over six hours at Dick's Bar in Hudson, Wisconsin, the FFC has named Summit Pale Ale the official chapter beer.

Pale Ale beat out ". . . 15 or 20 other kinds of beers, I forget how many," said a member of the tasting panel who was also having trouble remembering his name.

Pigs Eye Pilsner was chosen the official alternate beer after the bartender gave the taste team a case of cans and asked them to leave the pub and, if they were up to it, the state.

In a related development, Kohler was named official supplier of porcelain post production receptacles.

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