Vexis 6

OUTRAGE!!!
California cult caught trying to "award" Oscar

Their version fake; real thing much cooler, wears hat

Legions of PRDA members took to the streets Tuesday to protest the activities of a renegade Left Coast group discovered trying to give away PRDA President Oscar Koveleski in some obscure pagan ritual.

After investigating further it was determined that the cult had appropriated the name, but was too cheap to give away the real thing: their Oscar is fake.

A Frostbite Falls undercover operative discovered the plot after reading a 1989 issue of TV Guide in the restroom at Dick's Bar in Hudson, Wisconsin. The plan was very advanced, said Frostbite Falls General Secretary George Tirebiter. It included a secret cult meeting in Hollywood at which people were required to dress in bizarre costumes and act self-importantly, and a special three-day television broadcast to cult members.

"This is worse than the barbaric practice of awarding Poles to the fastest qualifiers," Tirebiter said. "This is tantamount to trafficking in human beings. This is bad stuff. There's got to be a law against it. I mean, they didn't give us royalties or anything."

Sick photos tell the tale
Crack FFC hackers liberated the shadowy, frilly photo at left from the cult's ultra-secret website. It shows the alien-like fake icon rubbing his stomach, apparently after emerging naked and golden from a paint spray booth.

Strangely dressed individual without breasts at right later clutched the fake Oscar during the pagan ceremony. This photo was also taken from group's website.

The real icon
These photos of the real Oscar Koveleski were taken last summer at Oscar's winter home near Beaver Tail, Pennsylvania. Differences with the fake Oscar are immediately obvious and include clothes, very cool hat and much better skin tones. Fake Oscar has better posture, but real Oscar lives in good, solid American house facade instead of a frilly Hollywood tent.

The cult calls itself "The Academy," but very little else is known about it. The FFC undercover agent said it appears dedicated to self-congratulatory practices. Discipline is strict and the group is known to punish its more creative members by not giving them deserved awards. One of those who is punished with regularity is Steven Spielberg, a little-known maker of celluloid spectacles.

Tirebiter said the FFC is taking legal action.

"We are not going to sit idly by while someone humiliates our president and steals our PRDA heritage, unless we get something out of it. This is a time for action and we're going to do what any red-blooded American would do: we're going to sue them."

The heinous group was also planning to award another person, Irving J. Thalberg. It was not immediately clear if Thalberg is a FFC-PRDA member, what value he has or exactly why anyone would want to give him away. Tirebiter said the Thalberg episode would be included in the lawsuit anyway, ". . . if the lawyers think it'll help queeze out a few more bucks."

Officious Organ of the Frostbite Falls Chapter, Polish Racing Drivers of America	Volume 6, Number 66

Veni, Vidi, Vexi -- We came, we saw, we irritated the authorities